Thursday, 27 September 2012

Lighting Fires

Today I have been lighting fires

I have set fire to coals of the past which have no relevance to the NOW which is my life.  Those coals are my old wedding cards.  I am divorced, and have been for 7 years or more - I have stopped counting.   But my home still represents many layers about a  marriage I am no longer inside of.  I realised that today when I was de-cluttering my home  (yet again)  when we de-clutter, it's not just "stuff" we release, it is emotional and heart stuff too.

It all started this morning when I had some unexpected time on my hands.  What to do with this time?.....de-clutter of course!  So, I decided to tidy up some of the drawers in my closet, and, as I was doing so, I pulled out a fleece I used to wear many, many years ago. A fleece I wore when I was married, a fleece I wore when my husband and I used to go out walking. A fleece that my old cocker spaniel Oliver cuddled up to when he was very ill and had to spend a few days away from home at the Vets. It all came flooding back, the memories, the times I spent with my husband and my dog. And with it came a gut wrenching sadness.  But the past is gone, done.  I remain.

And then I remembered my wedding day cards.  The cards that I threw into the re-cycle bin a few months ago and then swiftly took out of the re-cycle bin after my friend told me that she burnt hers.  That sounded a much better idea to me.  Today, wearing my fleece, I burnt my old engagement and wedding day cards.

The words on the picture read "move on, you got to move on, you got to get you real good so you can shake on".  These words are taken from "Fire" by Kasabian, I love this song.

My friend Hannah asked me how I would honour the stories around my fleece.  I honoured the story by realising that I form part of that story too.  That fleece represents love, on many different levels.  It's ok that I haven't packed it up and donated it to Charity. Today, the fleece released its hold on me from the emotional baggage. Now I honour it as part of me.

I often think of my old cocker spaniel and the wonderful years we spent together, and once the ritual of burning my cards had ended, I continued with some de-cluttering on a book case.  Another emotional "hot spot".  As I got tough and started to pick out books which could be donated to Charity, I came across a number of Harry Potter books, one of them was Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire. I took the book off the book case, and as I did , there was a picture of Oliver, as a puppy.  For real.


You can't make this stuff up


 
As I'm writing this post, the other half has just got back home from work in London, he sees me sat in the back room and says "oh, oh, me thinks someone has been moving furniture around!!"  For my Making Space friends who may read this, I hope this gives you a chuckle ;o)

3 comments:

  1. Debbi what a beautiful way to honour this and for Oliver to want to be there too is magical. As we know, fire also cleanses, so in wearing your fleece you have released it's old power to create new memories. Much love to you xxx

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  2. Great idea to burn - a fire is so symbolic of a cleansing and re-growth. You've been brave and deserve your happy days. Thank you for the pleasure I get reading your blog always.

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